"To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.”
When you hold onto the painful incidents of your life, it doesn’t fix anything, in fact it complicates things furthermore. Replaying the past again & again doesn’t simplify it, and just by wishing that things were different doesn’t change anything. At Shafa Home - India's Largest Centre for Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation - we always motivate our residents to accept whatever it is that they're holding on to and then letting it go, because that’s the only way to remove the past negativity that is now affecting your present! You have to let go of what is hurting you, even if it feels impossible.
Keeping expectations from others is the biggest reason for getting stuck in our fears of negative outcomes. Life doesn't come with a warranty card, and we really can't expect others to change themselves, simply because our expectations of their behavior aren't met. Yes, we can respond rationally and appropriately, or maybe even set respectful boundaries to maintain our relationships with them, but most of the times, this means letting go - the mistakes and the imperfections of your loved ones - with compassion & love, but without any terms & conditions!
In fact, the very idea that you can control the actions of others is at the root of all your discomfort and worry. So let's face it - you cannot change another person, and the only person that you have control over is you, yourself - so why waste your time and energy trying to fix something that you have no control over? Why not rather spend your resources on trying to change the things that you can, like your own thoughts, feelings and behaviors?